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Floating.

bull-shark

Right now, Jack and I are floating in a warm, salty sea of emotional calm.  But, even as I feel the metaphorical sun on my face, my bare shoulder brushing his, I know, I KNOW, tiny biting fish and enormous dark shadows with sharp teeth wait just below the surface of everyday life.  This knowledge has been reinforced so many times in my marriage that it is almost impossible to arch my back, throw my arms to the sides and just. . .float.

Last week, author Jan Morrill(The Red Kimono) interviewed Jack and me for a piece she’s writing for submission to the next Wounded Warrior Project Anthology.  When Jack revealed that his other marriages lasted, on average, less than four years each, Jan asked why he and I are still together after twenty-five years. 

Good question. 

Here’s Jack’s answer:

“I can’t get rid of her.  I keep messing up and doing my best to run her off, but she sticks like glue and won’t leave.”

I believe he was only half-kidding.

Here’s my answer:

“Because I’m still learning life lessons from Jack.  This marriage is where I need to be.  Still.  After all this time, through all the messes and all the glorious times.  Right now, my marriage is teaching me to float.  To take life one moment at a time and luxuriate in that moment.  To know that there is nothing I can do about what is, undoubtedly, already swimming up from the deep, ready to bite me on the ass.”

Jack laughed at my answer.

“That’s sort of like beating your head against the wall because it feels so good when you stop, isn’t it?”

Then he reached across the table and took my hand.

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10 thoughts on “Floating.

  1. Wonderful! But I’d say it’s not like beating your head against a wall and then stopping, it’s like realizing there is no wall, no pain; that’s it’s all a figment of our defensive imaginations. That we’re nodding “Yes!”, not beating. Today I will float with you!

  2. I love this, Pam. I have but one, slight correction, based on my memory (and notes) of the interview. After Jack said, “I can’t get rid of her,” he laughed and corrected himself by adding, “It’s all Pam. She puts up with a lot of ‘stuff’ and I’m grateful for it.”

    Granted, those aren’t his exact words — I don’t have my notes in front of me. But, I do remember being touched that at least he realizes how much of the commitment to your marriage is YOU.

    Enjoy the float, and as you said, live in the moment. ❤

    • OMG. You’re correct. See why I’m still learning from the man. Once I heard, “I can’t run her off”, my memory shut down. I knew he was kidding but just chalked up the rest of the comment to Jack seeing the look on my face and trying to get his foot out of his mouth. It’s all in the framing. I’ll never learn all this man has to teach me.

  3. I am going to share this because it so very moving and inspirational to me Thanks for writing Pam

  4. Pingback: Jaws | Wounded Warrior Wife

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